Jacob Read online

  “It was never about the money,” he fired back.

  Double shit. That was as good as an admission. This man had told Lee the truth about being a hitter. Holy holy shit.

  He thought back to something they did that fateful night before everything changed. Desperate to change the subject, he said, “Five questions.”

  “Three,” he countered after a heavy pause.

  Lee grinned, knowing he’d say that. He relaxed on the couch, stretching his legs across the cushions and resting his head on the arm. Staring at the ceiling, he prepared the questions in his head. “Have you ever been to another country?”

  “I’ve been to every continent.”

  “Even Antarctica?”

  “Every continent.”

  “Got it.” Of course, he’d been to every continent. Assassins-for-hire must make good money. “Not me. I have no desire to go somewhere that cold.”

  “I wasn’t there on vacation.”

  Why were you there? He wanted to ask but chickened out. “I want to go to Ireland, maybe research my family history.”

  “You don’t need to go to Ireland for that.”

  “How else am I going to find my castle?”

  “You have a castle?” he asked, his tone a mix between disbelief and amusement.

  “Not yet, but I might find one I like when I’m over there.”

  “You’re a nut.” Jacob chuckled. God, how Lee loved the sound of his laugh.

  “Next question. If you had any superpower, what would it be?”

  “That’s easy. I’d control time.”

  Lee sat up, intrigued. “Like time travel?”

  “Time travel. Reversing time. Speeding it up. Total control.”

  “It’s all about control with you, isn’t it?”

  Jacob’s chuckle soothed Lee’s nerves and settled into his senses. What a euphoric feeling. “Not always.”

  “Like to switch things up?”

  “I do, although I haven’t switched in a long time. A very long time.”

  He stood and paced around the coffee table. “Just to be clear, we’re talking about switching between roles, right?”

  This time Jacob laughed outright. “Yes, Lee. We’re talking about switching between roles. I’ve played both Dom and sub.”

  “Do you have a preference?”

  “Depends on the partner.”

  “What if your partner likes to switch, too?” He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and waited.

  Jacob grunted. “I guess it’d depend on our moods, then. Tell me, Lee. What kind of mood are you in right now?”

  “I feel like playing catch.” He giggled silently. Was this seriously going in that direction? He felt like a giddy teenager talking dirty to his boyfriend while is parents sat in the other room. “How about you?”

  “I feel like taking the mound.”

  Perfect.

  He’d never done anything like this before. Sure, he’d role-played, but never over the phone. Did he ask permission to speak? Was he allowed to start first? Unsure what to do, he grabbed the lube from his bedroom and returned to the couch before removing his pants and sitting, waiting for Jacob to make the first move. When he didn’t say anything, Lee asked, “What are you doing?”

  “Putting on my boots.”

  Shit. He definitely misread the signs. Here he thought they were heading in the direction of removing clothing, not adding on more. Frustrated, he reached for his pants. “Um…okay.”

  “Why do you sound disappointed?”

  “I just thought…you know.” God how mortifying. “Never mind.”

  “What were you expecting?”

  He covered his eyes. “Please don’t make me say it.”

  “Don’t make me order you,” he countered. “I don’t like having to instruct my subs to follow orders. Are you a defiant sub, Lee?”

  He uncovered his eyes and grinned. They were still playing? Hell yeah. “Sometimes.”

  “What were you expecting?”

  “To play.”

  “Tonight? Over the phone?”

  He covered his eyes again as heat slapped his cheeks. Kill me now. “Forget I said anything.”

  “Do you want us to have sex? Right now? Like this?”

  “Yes,” he whispered.

  “To which question?”

  “All of them.”

  Jacob was silent for several painful seconds. “I’ve never done that. Over the phone, I mean.”

  “We don’t have to.”

  “I want to.”

  His comment rested in Lee’s ears. It took a minute for him to realize what he’d said. “You do?”

  “I’ve already done so much with you I’ve never done, why not this?”

  Lee made a mental note to ask him more about that later. Right now they have more pressing matters to tend to. “My pants are already off.”

  “Give me a minute.” Scuffling, followed by two thumps as his heavy boots no doubt hit the floor, then Jacob came back on the line. “I’m back.”

  “I’m ready.”

  “So am I.”

  They sat in silence, listening to each other breathe, for too many awkward seconds before Lee spoke up. “Should we each put on some music?”

  “Good idea.” Once they both had music playing in the background, they once again waited, listening to each other breathe. “Now what?”

  “I think you’re supposed to tell me what to do.”

  “How am I supposed to know? I’ve never done this.”

  “You said you were taking the mound. Tonight, you’re top.”

  “I’m top,” Jacob repeated. “Wait. How’s that going to work? We aren’t physically together. Technically, neither one of us are top or bottom.”

  He had a good point. “This isn’t working, is it?”

  “Is it that obvious?” He laughed before sighing. “I have no idea how to do this. It would be an entirely different story if I were there.”

  “What would you do differently?”

  “First, I’d order you to remove all your clothes.”

  Lee did as instructed. “Then what?”

  “I like my subs bound,” he growled, his voice low, gravelly. Just the way Lee liked it. “Sometimes I like them blindfolded, too.”

  “My eyes are closed.”

  “Where are your hands?”

  Lee peeked out from one lid and glanced at his hand fisting his dick. “Uh…”

  “Touch yourself the way you want me to touch you,” he ordered thickly.

  He did as instructed, squeezing and stroking until he was fully erect. He added lube and spread it around, sliding his hand up and down his shaft.

  “Tell me how I’m touching you.”

  Lee groaned. “Your hands are stroking me.”

  “Are you hard?”

  “So hard I hurt.”

  “Stroke faster.” Jacob panted in time with Lee’s breathing. “Harder.”

  “Oh, God. Jacob, I’m going to come.”

  “Not without my permission.”

  “Oh, God. Please.” Lee stroked faster.

  “Those are my hands making you come.” Jacob’s growl sent him over the edge.

  “I can’t hold it in. Shit!” His orgasm broke, Crashing wave after wave into him. He released a shaky breath as he came down. Shit. He’d never come that fast.

  Jacob grunted hard, followed by several smaller guttural growls. It sounded so primal. God how he wished they’d just done that in person. He wanted to see the look on Jacob’s face when he made those noises.

  They waited in silence, again listening to each other breathe, this time for an entirely different reason. Only when Jacob chuckled did Lee do the same. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

  Jacob’s chuckle grew into a laugh. “Neither can I.”

  “You’re my first virtual hand job,” Lee snorted.

  “Ditto.” He then asked, “Now what?”

  “Now you have dinner with me.”

  “
Tonight?”

  Lee glanced at his watch. It was too late to go out. He had to work in the morning. “Friday.”

  Jacob took his own sweet damn time answering. “I can do Friday. Where?”

  “Do you like Irish?” He’d asked the same question when they’d met.

  “Are you Irish?”

  Lee laughed as they replayed that night. “As a matter of fact I am.”

  “Then I like Irish.”

  11

  This was wrong. Jacob shouldn’t be here at the same Irish pub Lee had dragged them to that night. Same table, too. But Lee wanted a reset, something about redoing the night and giving them the ending they should have had.

  Jacob glanced around. Not much had changed in a year. It was still dark, still served warm beer and cold food, still didn’t have a whole lot of patrons. A few ball-scratchers at the bar. A group of underage kids with fake IDs high-fiving each other for the pitchers of beer at the table. A couple sitting in a corner booth, every so often glancing around. Probably married, and not to each other.

  And him. Alone. Nursing a beer, wondering if his date would show.

  “Sorry I’m late,” Lee announced as he pulled out the chair next to Jacob’s instead of sitting across the table. “The cleanup effort at work is in full swing. Hawkeye was a total loss. Trapper wasn’t much better. Hot Lips is being temperamental.”

  “Hot Lips?”

  He grinned, drawing the same reaction from Jacob. God how he loved the way the man’s eyes shined behind those handsome glasses. “I named all my servers after characters from—”

  “M*A*S*H,” he finished. He used to love watching the reruns late at night after he’d put his little brothers and sisters to bed.

  “That’s right.” His grin widened. They didn’t break their contact until the waitress came over to take his drink order. “Whatever he’s having.”

  “Wait. Weren’t you two in here around this time last year? I remember because of that kiss.” She fanned herself. With a wink, she delivered the rest of her statement. “You two raced out of here right after that.”

  They both looked at her. If she only knew the real reason they’d rushed out. If she only knew how that night had actually ended, with Lee in the back of an ambulance and Jacob bleeding out in an alley. Jacob took a breath, but it was Lee who answered. “It’s our anniversary.”

  Jacob snapped his brow into a frown as he nailed him with a bewildered glare. It wasn’t their anything.

  “In that case, I’ll put a rush on the beer.” The waitress hurried off, leaving them alone once again. Jacob couldn’t stop staring. Lee’s dark eyes shined and his smile lit up the room. His tie hung loosely around his neck. Oh, the things Jacob wanted to do with that tie. From their original conversation about positions and pushing limits, Jacob wagered Lee preferred being the top. The one in control. He did say he liked to switch things up. Would he be willing to submit to Jacob?

  The bigger question… Would Jacob be willing to submit to Lee?

  He hadn’t switched to the role of the true submissive in years. Even before Jonathan. After everything he’d been through, giving up the control would be a huge relief. He’d actually enjoy play again. If he could get out of his own head long enough to switch.

  “Happy anniversary. This one’s on the house.” The waitress smiled wide and rushed off.

  “What are you thinking?” Lee sipped at his beer and made a face. “It’s not very cold.”

  “Wait for the food. That’s nice and cold.”

  “How long were you here waiting for me?”

  “I came early.” He always did to check his surroundings, do a perimeter sweep to memorize the exits, and identify anything within lunging distance that could be used as a weapon. He didn’t get the change to do any of those things the first time they’d been here.

  “Excited for our date?”

  “Yeah, something like that.” He chuckled. Confused about the date would be more accurate. He had no idea why Lee insisted on seeing him again. No, that wasn’t true. He knew why. He had the same curiosity coursing through his system. Neither could deny the overwhelming attraction between them. Neither wanted to. But was it enough? Would they ever get past what brought them together in the first place? Would Lee be able to see past the real reason Jacob had sought him out one year ago?

  “I’m just glad you agreed to meet me. I didn’t think you would.”

  Jacob frowned again. “Why didn’t you think I’d want to see you again?”

  “Oh, I knew you wanted to see me again. I just didn’t think you would.”

  His frown deepened. “Huh?”

  “You’re scared,” Lee explained.

  “I’m not scared.”

  “Sure you are. We both are.”

  “What am I scared of?” Jacob sat back and crossed his arms. This ought to be good.

  “Letting me in. Letting down your guard. Letting yourself fall.”

  Goddamn if he didn’t just nail it. He debating whether to lie and tell Lee his analysis was complete bullshit or to tell him the truth. He’d built most of his adult life on lies. He didn’t want to lie anymore, not to this man.

  “I’m right there with you, Jacob. Nothing about this is conventional. We can’t predict what’s going to happen. We can only see where it takes us and hope we’re both in the same place in the end.”

  “You have a way with words, you know that?”

  “I’m a man of many talents.”

  “As am I.”

  “I can’t wait to discover them.”

  “I can’t wait to demonstrate.”

  With a grin, Lee closed the menu and flagged down the waitress. “We’ll have the sampler platter.”

  “Anything else? That’s just an appetizer.”

  The men exchanged heated looks before Jacob answered. “We’re in a sampling mood.”

  “Coming right up.” She walked off.

  That wasn’t the only thing coming right up if Lee kept eyeing him like a hungry wolf.

  “Back to the original question.” Lee leaned his elbows on the table and kept his attention on Jacob. “What were you thinking when I lost you a few minutes ago?”

  When he lost him? Jacob liked the sound of that, for whatever reason. It made it sound like the man had missed him while he took his trip down contemplation lane. “Something you said when we first met.”

  Lee tipped the corner of his lips into the hint of a grin as he nodded. “Let me guess. You’re curious to know if I’m feeling like the pitcher tonight or the catcher.”

  He coughed into his beer, not expecting him to come out and say it like that. “Pretty much.”

  “I’ve been wondering the same thing about you.”

  “How do we find out?”

  “We get our sampler to go.”

  Jacob flagged down the waitress, eager to get out of here before they made a scene. “Can we get our food boxed up?”

  “It’s not even ready, yet.”

  “And our check,” Lee added. “We’re due in court.”

  Court?

  “Are you lawyers?” She bounced her gaze between the two men.

  Jacob joined in the act. “Trial attorneys.”

  “At seven at night on a Friday?”

  “Night court.” Lee sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and bit down when he stole a glance Jacob’s way. “We’re trying a case and aren’t sure which way we’re leaning.”

  Dear God, if he kept doing that they’d get arrested when Jacob attacked that lip. “I’m thinking of taking the offensive.”

  “I’m thinking defensive,” Lee countered and lifted his eyebrows.

  “I’m thinking you guys need to work on your subtlety.” The waitress dropped the check and disappeared.

  They burst out laughing as Lee tossed a couple twenties on the table. In minutes, she approached, a container in her hand. Jacob accepted. “Thank you.”

  “You two have fun.” She winked and walked away.

 
They exchanged glances again and nodded. Jacob waved for Lee to go first. “After you.”

  To Jacob’s shock, Lee took his outstretched hand and held it as he dragged him out of the pub. Neither spoke as, hand-in-hand, they walked the length of the sidewalk. When he led them toward the waterfront, Jacob kept his attention on their surroundings. It may be nothing to see two men holding hands in a big city, but some people were still pissed that love came in all forms—including same sex.

  Although most didn’t seem to give them a second glance, there were a few who watched them cautiously, as if they’d break into a pride march any second. Jacob hadn’t been openly gay before. He never hid it, but he never advertised it, either. Jonathan was a private person, so whenever they’d go out, they’d go as friends. Only Spencer Allen knew the truth before that day in front of the board. Once his unit found out, they’d written him off.

  “Don’t pay any attention to curious onlookers.” Lee held his head high, his shoulders squared and walked with authority. He squeezed Jacob’s hand.

  “People are staring.”

  “They’re just jealous.”

  “Of what?”

  He grinned as he glanced his way. “Of us. We make a cute couple.”

  A couple. Jacob chewed on that thought. They weren’t a couple any more than Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were a couple back in the day. He kept his comment to himself.

  Lee had confidence in spades. He never slowed, never gave a second glance to any of those giving them looks. It wasn’t that he didn’t see them. He just didn’t seem to care. Jacob decided then and there he didn’t care, either.

  They slowed as they reached the waterfront, taking their time moving up the sidewalk. He’d always loved the mist that floated through the air, brushing his skin, just as it did now. He smiled at the memory the feeling conjured up, of him in the backyard, dancing in the mist as his mother watered the flowers.

  “What’s that grin for?”

  He didn’t like talking about his past. It was too painful, drummed up too many dark memories. For some reason, he wanted to talk about it right now, wanted to share it with someone other than the group therapist back at juvie.

  “Tell me about your family.” Maybe having him open up about his would give Jacob enough strength to open up about his.

  “I have two older brothers, Gregg and Charlie. We don’t talk much other than when our parents force us all together on holidays. You?”